Father Paul Albera (second from left in the front row) with the members of the Tenth General Chapter (1904)
1893-1895
In his first years in his new office, Father Albera felt a little lost. For twenty years, he had been very active, acting directly to inspire and lead people. Now he was forced into a rather secluded life with little pastoral ministry.
His Confidential Notes, begun in February 1893, written in French until
1899 and in English from 1903, reveal his feelings and suffering. They are also a valuable witness to his relentless work in self-improvement. Thanks to this spiritual document, we can follow him systematically during the eighteen years he exercised the responsibility of spiritual director of the Congregation.1
This intimate diary opens on 17 February: “Today begins the month of Saint Joseph. I intend to imitate this great saint in union with God. When will I be able to say: mortui estis et vita vestra abscondita est cum Christo Jesu? For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God (Col 3:3).” A few days later, he reproached himself for “having spent the day wastefully,” for “having found himself weak in certain struggles,” for “not having worked usefully.” He adds, however: “I’ve promised truly to do God’s will manifested through my superiors. Others on their journey did not find only roses …; the virtues and patience of others must serve as an encouragement for me.”
On 27 February he comments: “It has been three months since I left Marseille. I’ve not yet made much progress for myself and nothing, almost nothing, for others.” On the eve of the feast of Saint Joseph, we read a sad note: “I can’t protect myself from a deep melancholy. I think about what I was doing in other years on that day! How miserable I am!”2
He gladly accepted the assignment to preach the retreats in the formation houses at Foglizzo, Ivrea, Valsalice, and San Benigno, even though he was convinced that he did not have the skill for that type of ministry. Part of his notes of these instructions have been preserved, in which he lays out the classic themes of consecrated life around a fundamental idea: “Everything and only for Jesus!”
After presiding over the funeral service for Father August Czartoryski, a prince of Poland, on 27 April 1893, he wrote in his notebook: “I meditated a lot on the great sacrifice he made to be a Salesian. And you? … What sacrifices have you made for God and the salvation of souls?” He often thinks of death. “Prince Czartoryski edified me a lot for his simplicity: he did not care about his rank, his nobility! What a lesson to your pride!”
The next day he celebrated a Mass in suffrage of Father Angelo Savio, who had died in Ecuador: “Another opportunity to reflect on myself. My
1 ASC B0320101-105, Notes confidentielles prises pour le bien de mon âme, ms aut.
P. Albera 1893-1899; B0320106-109, Useful Notes for my soul, ms P. Albera 1902-1910.
2 ASC B0320101, Notes confidentielles, 17.02.1893.
God! Death is approaching for me too. Will I have done some good? Will I be calm in that moment?” On 29 April he witnessed the blessing of the Salesians’ sepulchre in the public cemetery of Turin: “In that place,” he wrote, “a place is ready for me there!”
The thought of death often recurs in these early years in Turin. Every occasion reminds him of it, perhaps because of the melancholy state that oppresses him, perhaps because of the health problems that are tormenting him. 6 May: “Today I meditated on the death of the bad priest. I was frightened. My God! Will I have the misfortune to find at such a terrible moment that I’ve been evil? I will pray a lot to the good Lord to preserve me.
Today I feel much downhearted. I’ve not overruled some proud thoughts that occasioned it. I think too much about Marseille.”
At the end of the month, Father Rua sent him to France. He arrived in Marseille on 29 May. He visited the novitiate of Sainte-Marguerite. “I satisfied my heart a little too much; I felt a lot of joy. The affection for this house must become purer.” He spoke to the sisters about the importance of meditation: daily meditation is more useful, he said, than even Communion.
In fact, one can receive Communion even in a state of sin, “while no soul who does her meditation well can live in mortal sin.”3 Then he preached the retreat to the novices and visited the various Salesian houses in France.
In July he retired to Rivalta, near Turin, to draft the text of the Deliber-ations of the last general chapter and to write a circular letter on retreats.
In those days, he read Father Joseph Cafasso’s Meditations for Retreats for the Clergy, published by Canon Joseph Allamano. He felt deeply involved in what he read. He wrote in his diary that his reading had convinced him of the need to dedicate himself only to the service of the Lord. Between August and September, he preached retreats to Salesian priests, to those about to be ordained, and to the French confreres. On 12 October, he accompanied Father Rua and Bishop Cagliero to London for the conse-cration of the church of the Sacred Heart in Battersea. On that occasion, he noted in his diary the “need to learn English.”
On the return journey, he visited the houses of Belgium and presided over the retreats of the confreres of that nation. He used to introduce himself with a conference on the importance of retreats:
In them we recollect our spirit, we enter the depths of our hearts, we plumb all their hiding places, and with the grace of God we come out
renewed in mind and heart. It is true that all year we are engaged with the things of God. … It is true that particular practices of piety are prescribed for us; prayer is our daily nourishment. … Yes, throughout the year we work for God, we amass treasures of merit; but alas! We are men, and that is enough. Over time, our fervour fades, languishes, and almost by an inclination of nature bends towards indifference.
He suggested the indispensable dispositions of mind: resolute desire to make the retreat well; complete recollection combined with silence; the exact observance of the timetable; absolute confidence in God; courage and generosity.4
On the evening of 31 December 1893, he drew up a spiritual exam-ination of the past year, stressing the aspects he intended to correct:
Last day of the year. I’ve thought about the past a bit. I was not very faithful to my vocation. I should have used this year better. All my occupations should have led me to devotion, to union with Jesus Christ.
Everything I saw in this year, especially in Father Rua, was done to edify me and encourage me to do well. Here less concern for the material that previously absorbed all the energy of my spirit: Therefore, I should have made progress that is much more personal, fought my passions, and trained myself in spirituality. Why did I not? Even for my office, I’m not happy. I fear suffering too much; I’ve not yet entirely overcome my excessive shyness. What a tendency to discourage myself from seeing everything critically: what I do, and (unheard of!) with so much pride!
… I also find that my heart is not yet truly free, not free of its affections.
It still has too many likes and dislikes. Miserere mei, Deus. [O God, have mercy on me] … I’m not happy with myself.5
In the early days of 1894, a bad flu gripped him. We see the conse-quences throughout the year: weakness, physical ailments, and melancholy.
Despite all this, he completed the tasks entrusted to him by Father Rua between April and June: visiting houses and preaching retreats in France, Algeria, and Sicily. He returned to Turin with his health compromised and continual stomach ailments. In September he preached the retreats to those to be ordained.
4 ASC B0480111, Tutto per Gesù: Istruzioni per gli Esercizi Spirituali, ms aut. P.
Albera, 4-6.
5 ASC B0320101, Notes confidentielles, 31.12.1893.
In February 1895 he accompanied Father Rua to the Holy Land. It was a demanding but spiritually fulfilling journey. They landed in Alexandria, Egypt, on 24 February and were guests of the Jesuits. On the 27th, they sailed for Jaffa. Father Charles Gatti welcomed them. He later testified:
From the first conversation with Father Albera, I understood I was in the presence of a superior who spoke candidly to me, and kindly listened to my stories and somewhat strong expressions, dictated by my (perhaps excessive) sensitivity. For this, I placed all my trust in him and then wrote to him freely with no fear, because I was certain that he would use it only for my good. How many times my confidence in Father Albera and his goodness were my comfort, my salvation! Father Albera possessed the intuition lacking in those who have not been abroad for some time. He understood why I have dedicated myself to studying languages and did not blame me; on the contrary, he encouraged me to use them to do good.6
In the following weeks they visited the holy places and the works founded by Canon Anthony Belloni, now entrusted to the Salesian Congre-gation: Bethlehem, Jerusalem, Cremisan, and Beitgemal. Father Albera had the joy of being able to celebrate Mass at the Holy Sepulchre, after having served Father Rua’s Mass. During the pilgrimage, he wrote many letters that testify to the emotion of being able to pray and meditate on the Gospel at the places linked to Jesus’ life.
At the end of their journey, at the end of March, he stopped in France for the novices’ retreat. On 23 May in Turin he witnessed the episcopal conse-cration of Bishop James Costamagna, chosen as vicar apostolic of Mendez and Gualaquiza, Ecuador: “I enjoyed the ceremony, I reflected, and I was humbled by comparing myself to him, so deserving and so humble at the same time.”7
Then he left for France. He preached the retreat to the novices and visited the confreres in Marseille and Nice. At the end of August, he was in Turin for the retreats of those to be ordained.
In September 1895 he took part in the Seventh General Chapter. He chaired the committee charged with studying how to make religious instruction in Salesian schools “more responsive to the particular needs of our times and the current duties of a young Catholic.” His experience and intelligent intuitions concerning the challenges that the new generations
6 Garneri 148.
would have to face allowed him to suggest some norms that remained in force for years.
After the general chapter, he took part in the retreats at San Benigno Canavese, and then he preached to the French novices. He returned to Turin in mid-October in an increasingly fragile state of health: sleepless nights and sluggishness in the afternoon hours. On 7 November, he received the tragic news of the death of Bishop Louis Lasagna in a train accident in Brazil. Lasagna had been his pupil in Mirabello, and he felt a deep affection for him. He was shocked:
At first, we did not want to believe it. That courageous missionary, who marched through America by leaps and bounds, planting schools and works of religion and civilization; that missionary who never said enough, whose mind still dreamed of many other wonderful designs to win souls for God, to save poor and marginalized youth. The bishop on whom the Vatican had based so many beautiful hopes; that apostle, who was in the fullness of his strength and his effectiveness, could not have died. Finally, it was necessary to recognise the reality of the awful disaster.8
On 4 December, during the funeral service at the church of Mary Help of Christians, Father Albera delivered a much-appreciated eulogy. Father Rua instructed him to collect documentation to write the bishop’s biography.
In December 1895 he led the retreat of the candidates to the priesthood and noted in his diary: “I’m still a long way from being a good retreat director. I want to work harder to make myself capable of such an important office.”9 He always felt inadequate, but thirty years later one participant wrote this testimony:
In the retreat preparatory for priestly ordination, made at Avigliana in 1895 (we were seven or eight candidates), we admired, besides his zeal in dictating the conferences alone, also the dear familiarity and pleasantness with which Father Albera spent time with us in those ten days, doing what Don Bosco did in the early years of the Oratory with his first clerics. It pained us to witness the serenity with which he concealed the discomforts of cold, food, and fatigue, but we also admired it, while he was very careful so that nothing was lacking for us.10
8 Lasagna 8.
9 ASC B0320101, Notes confidentielles, 8.12.1895.
10 Garneri 152.
In his personal examination drawn up on 31 December, Albera wrote:
1895 heaves itself into eternity. For me, it was full of joys and sorrows.
I was able to see the house in Marseille again, where I left most of my heart. From there I went to the Holy Land and was edified by the company of Father Rua. What a spirit of sacrifice and mortification! What zeal for the salvation of souls; and above all, what a balanced personality! I saw Bethlehem, Jerusalem, Nazareth: what sweet memories! I was able to take part in the Congress at Bologna. I have an unforgettable memory of it. … I was able to preach retreats to the sisters in France. This was good for my soul. I was able to take care of the candidates to the priesthood, and I was much more satisfied with the previous years. I wrote a few pages about Bishop Lasagna.
1895 also ends without my most serious weaknesses being corrected.
My pride is still of the highest degree. My character is always difficult, even with Father Rua. My piety is always superficial and doesn’t significantly influence my conduct or my actions, which are all still human and unworthy of a religious. My charity is unpredictable and full of partiality. I’m not mortified in eyes, taste, words.
Illnesses have increased:
I could have died at any moment in the state I’m in. This is not an idea, it is reality, and I’m aware of it. In the new year I want to start to live healthier, to die better. I remember having directed two of my confreres who made the vow to be slaves of Mary. They edified me with their zeal, with their devotion. Their blood has sealed their commitment, and I, who have had the air of being their teacher and director in all of this, am nothing. … Mary, my mother, don’t allow me to have the shame of recognizing myself as inferior in virtue to my subordinates: give me a great love for you. Domina mea, numquam quiescam donec obtinuero verum amorem erga te [My Lady, I will have no rest until I’ve achieved a true love for you].11
1896-1900.
He began 1896 with this plan of action: “I want at all costs to progress in
devotion, humility, and the spirit of sacrifice.” His health concerned him.
On 19 January he wrote in his diary: “Today I don’t feel very well. My God, I place myself in your hands: your will be done! I accept death at the moment and in the way you want.” 31 January: “It is the eighth anniversary of Don Bosco’s death. I thought that I, too, could die at any moment with my ailment. Am I prepared? I think not. Therefore I must work.”
We do not know what that ailment was. On 7 February he confesses:
“I don’t know how to talk about it to Father Rua. In good conscience I feel obliged to do so.” He told him about it two days later: “I’m glad I revealed it;
whatever happens now, he won’t be surprised.” He went to visit Dr. Fissore on 10 February: “He made me understand that I must be resigned. I can no longer do as I did in the past, and it is useless to attempt an operation.”12
On 28 February Father Rua instructed him to compose the Director’s Manual. He was able to start work only on 1 November, because illness and frequent absences from Turin prevented him. He collected materials from the Salesian Constitutions, general chapter deliberations, and the circular letters of Don Bosco and Father Rua. He accumulated a huge amount of documentation, but his sense of inadequacy and concern for absolute fidelity to the charismatic tradition of the Founder made the project drag on. It was published only in 1915.
“I frankly admit,” he wrote in the introduction, “that mixing my poor advice with the teachings of Don Bosco and Father Rua seemed to me almost a profanation. Hence I did it with no little repugnance and only to comply with the advice and prayers of some good, respected confreres.”13
Between March and April, he preached retreats in Avigliana, Ivrea, and Foglizzo, where he replaced the seriously ill director for several weeks.
“He stayed with us for a considerable time,” wrote Father Vincent Cimatti, then a novice. “He entertained us with funny stories from his life in France. He no longer seemed an ascetic, but the most affable and generous of confreres.”
Father Louis Costa adds:
I remember the favourable impression that Father Albera’s edifying, learned, and profound teaching made on everyone. Everyone listened with eager and visible pleasure. … His discourse, finely and exquisitely polished and presented, his modesty and humility that did not lack
12 ASC B0320102, Notes confidentielles, 31.01.1896.
13 Manual 6.
propriety and stately decorum, commanded respect while gaining the affection and confidence of those who approached him. In several cases regarding abuses and non-observance that he corrected, and in the presence of some confreres whom he effectively reminded of their duty, I heard them comment favourably on his energy, almost surprised to see in him, so delicate and frail, so much firmness and willpower.14
On 6 May he left for France, where he remained until the eve of the feast of Mary Help of Christians. Illness continued to torment him, and on 3 June he was operated on at the Chieri hospital. After a long convalescence, on 5 July he was able to return to Valdocco. In the following months, he preached retreats in Italy and France.
On the last day of 1896, he wrote in his diary:
Last year my health was terrible, and meanwhile I felt I had more courage and energy. The various retreats that I preached were stamped with a certain fervour. Now, to tell the truth, I’m doing better, despite some pain, but I’m weak in spirit. … During the year, I preached two sets of retreats in Avigliana, two in the novitiates, and two during the vacations. God visibly helped me. …
I had the strength to obey Father Rua by undergoing a painful operation, and God’s grace helped me. After all, I knew how my nature is weak,
I had the strength to obey Father Rua by undergoing a painful operation, and God’s grace helped me. After all, I knew how my nature is weak,