Salesian gentleness 12

This subject, as you well know, has a capital importance and is the characteristic note of Don Bosco’s spirit. Preparing to write on it, I threw myself at Jesus’ feet, and I thought I heard him say to me: Discite a me

12 From the circular letter “On gentleness” (20 April 1919), in LC, pp. 280-294, at

quia mitis sum et humilis corde: learn from me to be gentle and lowly of heart [Matt 11:29]. So let us go to his school and consider his teachings and example.

We can get an idea of gentleness somewhat easily, especially when we see it in practice, but we find it very difficult to define. The words with which we would like to clothe our thoughts always have something incom-plete and imprecise, so they never end up satisfying us. For example, some define it as an easiness of character through which one yields to the will of others with a certain courtesy and without resentment.

Now, who does not see that in this definition there is not even a mention of that halo I would call divine, that surrounds the face of a person, perhaps lacking in external qualities, but who has the good fortune habitually to practise gentleness? Nothing is said of that effort, which I would like to call heroic, that is frequently necessary to dominate one’s lively character, to repress every tendency towards impatience and also towards the indig-nation that sometimes seems holy, justified by zeal and allowed by the gravity of some fault. Here we are not even hinting at that very rare virtue which curbs the tongue and does not allow it to pronounce even a word that might displease the person with whom one is dealing. So it seems that in a definition of gentleness a hint of that serene gaze full of goodness should not be missing, which is the true and clear mirror of a sincerely kind soul, one eager only to make happy everyone who approaches him.

Much more complete, on the other hand, is the definition of Saint John Climacus (Grad. XII), according to which gentleness is that disposition whereby the spirit remains always the same, in honour and contempt, in suffering and enjoyment. With these expressions the Saint very effectively compares the gentle man to a cliff that, soaring high above the sea, resists the raging waves, so that they break at its feet without ever being able to snatch even a grain of the indestructible rock of which it is made.

This is the gentleness and meekness practised by many saints whom God wanted to refine in virtue, making them go through very serious trib-ulations. Perhaps he will not send painful trials to all of you, dear confreres sent by obedience to the exercise of authority in our houses. But it surely requires you to remain calm, gentle, and always masters of yourselves in directing those who depend on you, correcting their defects, bearing their weaknesses: even more difficult and meritorious in as much as your have to labour at it every day, in fact at every moment.

Human miseries are without number, and it is impossible that they not be felt even in religious communities, even though the members are

animated by the best desire to strive for perfection. But how many could be avoided or at least diminished, if there were always gentleness in the words and mildness in the manners of one who directs!

To be convinced of this truth, it would suffice that we look within ourselves sometimes, asking ourselves how we would like our superiors to be. How good it would be to put ourselves, as they say, in the shoes of our subjects, investing ourselves with their thoughts and feelings! How useful it would be for ourselves and our neighbour to remember and practise that maxim of Christian charity, not to do or say to others what we would not like to be done or said to us; to keep in mind that saying of the Gospel, that the same measure will be used towards us as we have used towards others [cf. Luke 6:38]! This reflection would remove from our mind the temp-tation of pride, which could arise from the thought of the honourific office with which we are invested. It would save us from the danger of feeling complacency with those manifestations of respect and veneration which our dependents believe are owed to their superiors. In a word, let us be inspired by that charity and gentleness which make so beautiful and joyful the life of brothers together in the same house.

From all this we understand how right was our patron Saint Francis de Sales when he wrote that “gentleness is the most excellent of moral virtues, because it is the complement of charity, which is perfect precisely when it is kind and at the same time helpful to our neighbour.”

Remember, whoever is placed as director of his confreres, to him is especially entrusted the realization of that solemn promise that our Lord Jesus Christ gave to religious, that even in this life they would be given a hundredfold of what they have abandoned in the world in order to follow him [cf. Mark 10:29-30].

It is the superior who, with all the diligence of his inexhaustible, paternal goodness, must ensure that the advantages of religious life, so much promoted in books, do not seem to be pious exaggerations, seductive deceptions aimed at the credulity of simple and innocent souls.

This was undoubtedly the thought of our Venerable Founder and Father when he wrote the golden pages that introduce our Constitutions; and that director or superior would certainly be giving him a painful rejection if, for lack of gentleness, he did not provide the confreres entrusted to his care with the support they expect from him. …

Speaking of gentleness, can we forget the name “Salesians” that we are blessed to bear? This name, now known all over the world and meeting so much favour, reminds us how our Venerable Founder and Father with

good reason chose Saint Francis de Sales as protector of the Pious Society he was to start. Understanding human nature so well, he saw right from the beginning that to do good in these times it is necessary to win people’s hearts. Therefore, he studied with particular diligence and love the works and examples of that master and model of meekness, and strove to follow his steps by practicing gentleness.

Further, a much more authoritative voice had impressed on him the practice of gentleness. In that dream he had at nine, he thought he saw a large crowd of young people contending with each other until they came to blows. They cursed and spoke obscenely. Carried by his quick, sanguine nature, the boy would have liked to prevent so much evil with strong reproaches and even with blows.

But that voice told him this was not the means by which he would succeed in what he intended, and invited him to turn to a great Lady (Mary Most Holy), who would teach him the most effective way to correct those urchins and make them better. We all know this method was nothing but gentleness; and Don Bosco was so convinced that he immediately began to practise it with ardour and became a true model of it. Those who had the good fortune to live by his side attest that his gaze was full of charity and tenderness, and precisely because of this he exercised an irresistible attraction on young people.

A certain archbishop, an eloquent orator, speaking of Don Bosco in Marseille, did not hesitate to compare him to the most famous personages in history, stating that if they had exercised authority over the bodies of their subjects, Don Bosco had done more and better, exercising complete authority over the hearts of his sons.

Of an intimately good nature, he showed esteem and affection towards all his pupils, overlooked their defects, spoke of them with praise, so that each of them imagined himself to be his close friend – even, I would say, his favourite. In order to approach him, it was not necessary to choose the most favourable moment, nor was it necessary to resort to some influ-ential person to be introduced. He listened to everyone patiently, without interrupting and without showing haste and boredom, so much that many believed he had nothing else to do.

When he received the rendiconto of some confrere, far from taking this opportunity to reproach him (however well deserved) and make harsh corrections, he had no other aim than to inspire confidence in him and encourage him to improve his conduct for the future.

An excellent companion of ours recounted that, having allowed himself